WELCH, WV — Local coal miner Don Billings has expressed deep sympathy for Congressmen having to work such long hours lately.
"Wow, four days in a row of sitting there eating takeout?" said Mr. Billings, his voice filled with compassion. "Boy, am I sorry to hear that."
News of Congress' brutal working conditions had reached Mr. Billings during a brief respite while a mine shaft was being repaired. "They came back to work in the evening after a four-hour dinner?" asked Mr. Billings in awe. "That is some kind of commitment. I sure do hope they get a nice long weekend after all that sitting around drinking."
Across the nation, Congress saw an outpouring of support over the remarkable hours they were putting in. "Four straight days of actually being at the place they work, sitting there. What heroes," said local telephone lineman Michael McGee. "I even heard they had trouble getting DoorDash to deliver, so a few had to send their aides to run across the street to pick up Chipotle. I really feel for them."
At publishing time, the coal miners were deeply relieved to hear Congress had resumed destroying coal miners' lives during their normal business hours.
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