ATLANTA, GA - After Trump announced a potential breakthrough in the fight against coronavirus involving convalescent plasma, CNN reported that Trump instructed his followers to inject the plasma from plasma televisions in order to get rid of the virus.

"Trump literally told his sycophantic followers to buy a plasma television, get a syringe out, and inject the plasma stuff right into their bloodstreams," Brian Stelter hollered on his Sunday program. "He also seemed to suggest you could just snort the stuff or put it in a bong and smoke it. This is extremely dangerous. We must repeat for our extremely intelligent CNN viewer(s): do not inject plasma. Do not eat plasma. Do not consume an entire television."

At publishing time, at least one Florida man had died from injecting plasma from an old TV.