DES MOINES, IA — With the Iowa Caucus only days away, a local resident was left frustrated after receiving his 17th text message from Nikki Haley in a single day.
The former South Carolina governor gave off a palpable clingy vibe as she continued to bombard the man with repeated daily text messages asking for his support in the upcoming primary season.
"It's me again, Dave," the latest text message read. "The 2024 Iowa Caucus is right around the corner. I'm asking you again to stand by me and other Iowans who have strong principles and family values as we welcome millions of migrants into the country, ship our jobs overseas, and make life-altering, mutilating surgeries available to children of any age. A vote for Nikki Haley is a vote for a different America!"
The citizen, Dave Jones, explained that this was the 38th text message he had received from Haley this week alone. "It's exhausting. I know she really wants to win the nomination, but I'm feeling smothered here. It just comes off as desperate when she — ," Jones said before glancing down at his cell phone as it buzzed again.
"Hold on, it's her again."
Jones sighed as he read Haley's new message. "Please, Dave, I've been trying to reach you," it said. "I know you're getting my messages. Why are you ignoring me? Why, Dave?!"
At publishing time, Jones said he was considering filing a restraining order against Nikki Haley to ensure his safety until the Iowa Caucus was over.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
