Jewish Tunnels In NYC Repurposed To House Illegal Immigrants
U.S. · Jan 10, 2024 · BabylonBee.com

NEW YORK, NY — New York Mayor Eric Adams has scrapped his plans to close newly uncovered tunnels beneath the Chabad-Lubavitch synagogue after realizing how many illegal immigrants he could hold down there.

"The startling discovery of these Jewish tunnels couldn't have come at a better time for us, honestly," said the Mayor to the press. "According to our estimates, we can comfortably house at least 300 immigrants down there. Thanks, Jews!"

Leaders of the Jewish community center have protested the move by city authorities. "Oy vey! These tunnels are our property, and are only to be used for top-secret Jew stuff," said one Rabbi from the synagogue. "We demand the return of these tunnels to their rightful owners."

Other locals celebrated the move, however, saying the use of the tunnels will keep migrants from using their school buildings and local hotels, at least until 83 more buses arrive this afternoon.

At publishing time, the Mayor had ordered local Orthodox Jews to please dig faster as the tunnel was already filling up.

A Babylon Bee subscriber contributed to this report. If you want to pitch your own headline ideas to our staff, click here to check out all of our membership options!

Bob Boeing, the founder of Boeing, explains how the number 1 priority for the airline manufacturer is diversity.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel for more uplifting DEI videos!

Ready to join the conversation? Subscribe today.

Access comments and our fully-featured social platform.

Sign up Now