SAN FRANCISCO — After much deliberation, the San Francisco Board of Supervisors voted to end all wars, thus securing world peace for billions.
"War is bad," said Supervisor Dean Preston, who introduced the resolution. "Stop doing wars."
Sources confirmed the room erupted in applause at the bold and eloquent words.
Following the resolution's passing, all wars have officially ended. Men and women everywhere cast aside firearms and weapons of mass destruction to join hands in celebration of San Francisco's wisdom.
"I wish we'd thought of that," said President Zelenskyy of Ukraine as he watched Russian soldiers pack up and go home. "Would have saved me a lot of trouble."
Also prompted by the resolutions passing, Hamas terrorists discontinued their massive "build thousands of tunnels so we can kill the Jews" project.
"I'm not sure what to do with myself," said one terrorist. "I was ready to start killing Jews but then San Francisco said we should stop. Maybe I'll take up lawn bowling or something."
The vote in favor of a resolution to end all wars passed 10-1.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
