LANGLEY, VA—The Central Intelligence Agency has already seen results of its new intersectional hiring campaign. The Agency’s recent recruits have announced they’ve broken up an ISIS plot to refer to people by incorrect pronouns.
“That’s literal violence,” explained CIA Agent MaKenna Wallace, a recent Gen Z hire with a degree in women’s studies. “I’m shaking right now just thinking of it.”
The CIA jumped into action, though, and got those ISIS members kicked off Twitter. “They’re not going to hurt anyone now,” MaKenna added. “I mean, they could be on Parler, but I’m not going to get an account there to check that out. Ew.”
The incorrect pronoun plot got the agency really worked up, and they’ve temporarily shut down to give everyone there a chance to rebalance, which is why they have yet to look into all those bombs that just went off in Europe. They may have to leave that to others, though, as they’ve reportedly obtained intel that terrorists are plotting to obtain deadnames, which MaKenna described as “as bad as a dirty bomb times a million.”