DERRY, SC - Leadership at Derry First United Reformed Church confirmed Monday that they were considering revising the church's requirement that the senior pastor be a man after hearing a rumor that they could pay a female pastor 78 cents on the dollar for the same work.

The church's pulpit committee, which has been searching for a new pastor for the past three years, stumbled upon an article that suggested women may get paid less than men, "and the wheels started turning." According to sources from within the church, multiple members of the elder board immediately made an about-face on their previously staunch positions on women in ministry when they heard they might be able to get away with paying a woman less money.

"If this gender pay gap thing turns out to be real, it's great news for the budget next year," head deacon Jimmy White told reporters. "We can now offer an even less attractive compensation package, and still get a pastor that caters to our needs 24/7. I tell you what, we're going to have quite a bit of room left over for senior's ministry field trips in 2018."

"I wonder if we can give her a smaller office too," he said later.

At publishing time, the church was disappointed to learn they still had to pay any prospective female pastor minimum wage.