BAYOU SHORES, LA—Church seniors at Bayou Baptist Church agreed to allow drums on the stage for the first time last month, as long as the drum set was placed in a sound-muffling drum cage.
In an apparent gesture of goodwill, the seniors' ministry funded and installed the drum cage themselves. They seemed happy with the compromise, and the worship band felt they finally had a minor victory in getting some modern percussion onstage.
But the seniors got the last laugh. As drummer Jake "Thunderstruck" Willis sat on his drum throne and was enclosed in the Plexiglas cage Sunday morning, he heard a low rumbling sound. "What the heck? Hey, what's going on!?" he shouted as he desperately tried to free himself.
Church seniors began cackling madly as it became apparent that the drum cage was actually an elevator designed to send the drum set and drummer straight to hell.
"Oh, enjoy your trip!" called out Gertrude Billings, 87. "You might want to pack some shorts. I hear it's balmy down there this time of year! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"
The cage began to accelerate downward and plummeted toward hell faster and faster until Willis and his demon-possessed drum set were finally submerged in fire---eternal fire.
"Don't mess with the seniors," said Pastor Bill Costanza as church janitors worked to patch up the still-flaming hole opened up by the elevator shaft.
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