SANTEE, CA — According to church elders, member Dylan Behrens absolutely nailed the pitch pipe solo while performing song leader duties Sunday. The veteran song leader approached the pulpit with his Sacred Selections hymn book in hand and then proceeded to shred the pitch pipe for 5 seconds.
"I have never heard so many notes come at me so fast," said elderly member Joanna Sheldor. "It was frightening! But also exotic and thrilling."
Behrens later admitted that the solo was not planned and happened organically in the moment after he mistakenly played two incorrect notes before D-4, the right pitch for the song he was leading. However, by then it was already too late.
Three separate notes were played in all before Behrens led the congregation in singing "I'm Happy Today."
Church membership is reportedly divided on whether Behrens' use of the pitch pipe constitutes invalid use of an instrument in worship, with some even insisting they are not happy today. However, all members agree the solo melted their faces off.
"We try to be very conscientious of the fact that worship is for God, and if He has not commanded us to use instruments in worship then we have no desire to move beyond the command to sing," stated church deacon Johnathon Strongbuck. "Although He might make an exception for this since it was so epic. Wouldn't God want me to hear sick tunes like that?"
Some members, however, are outraged. They fear word of the scandal will spread to other congregations and they'll be considered a "total Corinth" in the eyes of members all over the world.
At publishing time, the congregation had split over whether or not pitch pipe solos should be made a regular tradition.
It's a serious medical emergency: you're minding your own business when you hear an opinion you slightly disagree with.