Study Finds Only 0.01% Of Trail Mix Actually Consumed While On A Trail
Life · Mar 3, 2023 · BabylonBee.com

CHATTANOOGA, TN — Surprising results from a recent study have conclusively shown that just 0.01% of all trail mix is actually eaten by people while they are on a trail. Researchers were eager to learn more about the demographics of the people consuming the trail mix and the activities they participate in while doing so.

"We always suspected that the name ‘trail mix' was somewhat misleading," said Dr. Sean Kellar, the lead scientist working on the study. "With such a small percentage of consumers eating it while walking along a trail, we really needed to dig deeper and learn more."

It is currently hypothesized that the substance referred to as "trail mix" was originally created by accident after the mother of a Boy Scout was preparing snacks for her son's troop meeting, with different snack items spilling on the floor and intermingling. "She apparently just scooped it all up without sorting it, put it in bags, and that was the beginning," said Dr. Kellar. "It makes sense. I mean, how else would these seemingly completely unrelated food items become mixed together? Nuts, raisins, and M&Ms? Someone would have to be a psychopath to do it on purpose, quite frankly."

Though trail mix is rarely eaten on trails, the study found that it is a mainstay at church Christmas parties. However, there is ongoing suspicion that it's just the same bowl of trail mix every year that goes uneaten.

At publishing time, the research team had already moved on to studying the origins of that weird marshmallow jello salad found at church luncheons.


By now the whole internet has heard Ben Shapiro rapping, but did you know that there are actually two more verses they cut out of the track?

Subscribe to our YouTube channel for more tactical instruction

Ready to join the conversation? Subscribe today.

Access comments and our fully-featured social platform.

Sign up Now

You must signup or login to view or post comments on this article.