HUNTINGTON, WV - Sign-ups have begun for what is being called the most epic, hardcore, ultra-masculine men's Bible study weekend ever. Men from across the country are gathering for an amped-up, bacon-eating, chainsaw-revving, shotgun-shooting, flame-throwing, root beer-drinking crash course in masculinity.
"You want a nice, relaxing weekend where you learn about God while eating a salad, and getting a foot rub?! WELL TOO BAD! Here on this retreat, we are going to reclaim authentic, Biblical manliness," said Pastor Butch MacDonald. "Today's sorry excuses for men are in for a rude awakening."
"This weekend we are all gonna learn to make hatchets from scratch, just like all the disciples did. And in doing so we're really going to sharpen our biblical knowledge." Butch continued. "We're also gonna sleep in the dirt and rest our heads on rocks to represent our trust in the Rock!"
"We live in a culture that's having an identity crisis and no longer values manliness," said Butch while sharing a presentation of men riding motorcycles and grilling meat. "So any man who leaves this weekend without growing a full beard, and smelling like motor oil, will get a full refund guaranteed."
Attendees are already raving about how much they learned at this year's Bible study retreat. Many have failed to contain their excitement for next year's Pyro Lawnmower Lumberjack Jesus Brisket Dynamite Ultimate Mega Charcoal Warrior Nailgun Carhartt-themed Bible Study.