Church Installs Trap Doors To Get Praise Band Off Stage More Efficiently
Church · Jan 29, 2023 · BabylonBee.com

CHARLESTON, WV — In order to make the transition from singing to preaching more seamless, Grace Community Church has installed a trap door that the praise band will fall through as soon as they finish their worship set.

"No more long, drawn out prayers from Pastor Tom when the bass player gets tangled in cords and can't get off stage," said church deacon Brian Howard. "Plus, now we will always have a foolproof way to put an end to 'Oceans'."

According to sources, Grace decided to move forward with the project after the praise band drummer became trapped in his cage and ended up awkwardly sitting there for the entire sermon. "Poor guy looked like a gerbil trying to escape," said parishioner Kelly Lytle. "After a few minutes, you could see him slowly resign himself to his fate, and then start dying inside. I don't think anybody heard a word of the sermon that day."

Congregants report that the trap-door has made the transition into the sermon seem far more miraculous. "It's pretty amazing to have an entire trap set just disappear like that," said Mr. Howard. "That instantaneous disappearance really helps set the tone for moving on to teaching. Plus, I really, really like getting to push the button to open the floor."

The church is reportedly looking to next add a cannon for shooting Pastor Tom to the back of the church after the service.


By now the whole internet has heard Ben Shapiro rapping, but did you know that there are actually two more verses they cut out of the track?

Subscribe to our YouTube channel for more tactical instruction

Ready to join the conversation? Subscribe today.

Access comments and our fully-featured social platform.

Sign up Now

You must signup or login to view or post comments on this article.