Church
Church Extends Stay-In-Cage Order On Drummer Indefinitely

GARBANZO, TX—Garbanzo Community Church extended its stay-in-cage order on drummer Paul "Paradiddle' Costello indefinitely, church leaders announced Tuesday.

"For the protection of our ears and the elderly in our congregation, we are extending the order for our drummer to remain isolated in his sound cage until further notice," said Pastor Wayne Elderbrook. "We can no longer take on the risk of drums overpowering the rest of the band and infecting everyone else with a desire to play unbelievably loud. So, out of an abundance of caution, we're going to have the drummer under quarantine for another few years at least."

Costello will be asked to stay in the cage and isolate himself from all the other musicians and also the bass player. He will be fed through a small slot in the cage three times a day. The pastor will check on him throughout the week and make sure he has plenty of air holes.

"It's for the good of everyone. If you don't want our drummer to be isolated, you probably hate grandmas," the pastor added.

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