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Christians Face Clear Choice Between Party That's A Hypocritical Mockery Of Their Faith And One That's Openly Hostile To It

U.S.—Christians voting their conscience have quite a choice this Election Day with the two major political parties.

With the Republicans, Christians have the option of declaring all their beliefs hollow by supporting a party that pays lip service to Christians while it is full of lies, greed, a hostile pose to foreigners, and a cavalier attitude about war. Christians can especially show their hypocrisy by throwing yet more support behind a president who stands anathema to just about every moral standard they've previously claimed important while he makes only a marginal effort to show support of faith (though the other day he referred to the second epistle to the Corinthians as "Corinthians 2: Corinthians Harder").

With the Democrats, though, Christians can basically opt for suicide by giving support to a party that is actively against them, having shown they are very willing to make Christians face trial and lose their jobs for holding the same moral beliefs they've held for thousands of years. The only religious belief the Democrats seem to hold dear is that every knee shall bow at the altar of abortion (and pay forced tribute).

"It's a really interesting choice," said Christian Tanya Lloyd. "By supporting the Republicans, I'm giving people further ammunition to dismiss my beliefs as an empty cultural pose. At least they like to pretend to be Christian, though, while sometimes it seems like the only thing keeping the Democrats from hunting me down with hunter-seeker drones like from The Terminator is lack of technology."

However the election turns out, though, Christians express confidence that they'll be fine since they ultimately put their faith in "a much higher power than either political party" (presumably they're referring to the Supreme Court).