AKRON, OH—Facing multiple accusations from his friends of being "on the wrong side of history," local Christian Johnsie Wheycobb consulted an obscure book of ancient biblical prophecy called Revelation to see whether or not this was true. To his pleasant surprise, his reading of Revelation confirmed that followers of Jesus are indeed on the right side of history.
"I'm so relieved!" said Wheycobb after reading the bizarre and terrifying book from beginning to end. "Not only are Christians on the right side of history, but we basically get front row tickets to the last battle and mop the floor with the bad guys in the end! Then we get invited to this massive potluck called The Marriage Supper of the Lamb! Flippin' sweet!"
According to sources, the Creator of the universe and Author of history will separate the sheep from the goats and the wheat from the chaff at the end of all time. Those who know and follow Jesus will pass into everlasting "right side of history," while those who did what was right in their own eyes will pass into everlasting "wrong side of history."
Wheycobb closed the book and shuddered at the thought of being on the wrong side of God's history at the end. Just to be extra safe, he has recommitted his life to Christ and will be getting re-baptized this Sunday.