LEAMINGTON, UT - Decades of living a life full of faith in a loving and just God quickly crumbled into oblivion for local Christian Gavin Smith after he received the wrong order from the Chick-fil-A drive-thru attendant.
"Looking into this white, logo-emblazoned bag and seeing grilled nuggets supplanting my usual Spicy Deluxe meal feels akin to gazing into the inevitable, empty void sure to follow the final beat of my mortal heart," said Smith while checking his receipt to confirm that he did indeed order the #3 as in days past. "I am dust and nothing but dust."
Empty of all hope, Smith turned down the radio in his car, then gazed absently around him from the Walmart parking lot where he once enjoyed his daily Chick-fil-A meal like a blinded, gullible lemming.
Determined to embrace the hopeless, heathen life of an atheist, Gavin Smith drove toward the nearest Popeyes to partake in luscious, sinful decadence. As he neared the much shorter drive-thru line, a notification popped up on his phone. It was the Chick-fil-A One® app, expressing their apologies for the order mix-up, rewarding him 500 extra Chick-fil-A points, and wishing him a wonderful day.
"God? Is that You?" asked Smith, weeping with a newfound faith and returning to the Walmart parking lot to enjoy the blessed grilled nuggets.
Here is a comprehensive list of the only instances it is acceptable for men to shed a tear.