U.S. —The war between God's chosen chicken sandwich restaurant and the heathen chicken restaurant Popeyes continues to heat up. Early Monday morning, the nation's Chick-fil-A employees were seen marching around nearby Popeyes restaurants blowing various horns.
The smiling fast-food workers sang religious lyrics like "My eyes have seen the glory of a Chick-fil-A sandwich" and "Bless the poultry, my soul, O my soul" as they blew on shofars and trumpets as they marched around the Popeyes restaurants seven times.
At one restaurant in Lousiana, a patron was waiting for over 30 minutes for their Popeyes chicken, prompting one of the Chick-fil-A employees to jump over the counter and serve him out of instinct. Similar acts of goodwill were seen all over the country as the Chick-fil-A employees continued to march around the restaurants in an attempt to call down God's wrath upon their mortal foes.
"Oh, shucks, we love our friends here at Popeyes," said one Chick-fil-A worker. "This is just a good bit of fun. But really, they should get out of there as soon as possible."
As the ground beneath the restaurants began to tremble and screaming patrons smashed through windows to escape, the smiling Chick-fil-A employees simply said carrying out the destruction of God's enemies was their pleasure.