FRESNO, CA—In a meager attempt to establish his restaurant as the chicken-sandwich powerhouse, a Popeyes manager went into a nearby Chick-fil-A and cast down two staffs which allegedly transformed into vipers before a mildly amused Chick-fil-A manager.

However, witnesses claim the Popeyes manager had shouted, “Hey what’s that over there?” before pulling the actual snakes from their robes and tossing them to the floor.

In prophetic retaliation, the Chick-fil-A manager threw down his rod, which became a larger serpent, devouring the other two while gagging--a common reaction to eating anything from Popeyes. Arms spread to the awed patrons, the Chick-fil-A manager proclaimed, “Let not your hearts be hardened like unto how tough Popeyes chicken is. For what is that stuff they slather onto their tenders, old Rice Krispies or something?”

“Well at least I’m open on Sundays,” said the dejected Popeyes employee, gathering his trick-staffs from the ground. Reciprocating with a smug, “So is Hell,” Chick-fil-A's prophet retrieved his rod, changed it into a microphone, and dropped it.

Foiled again, the Popeyes manager started stacking wood for a calling-down-fire-from-heaven contest.