Chick-fil-A Announces New Bottled Sauces That Still Won't Open On Sunday
Health · Mar 12, 2020 · BabylonBee.com

ATLANTA, GA - Chick-fil-A announced yesterday that it will begin selling its sauces in bottles, marking the company's first endeavor into retail sales. Starting this April and May, customers will be able to purchase 16-oz bottles of Chick-fil-A's signature Chick-fil-A and Polynesian Sauces in major grocery outlets across the country. The sauces will bring the flavors of Chick-fil-A home so that consumers can enjoy any meal with that Chick-fil-A flavor and experience. What makes these sauces even more unique is that - just like Chick-fil-A restaurants - the bottles will not open on Sunday.

Representatives say the patented SabbathLok® technology can sense when Sunday has begun and when it has ended. The lid will clench into a nearly-impossible spiral to break the seal for a twenty-four-hour duration every Sunday. If consumers attempt to squirt the sauce into separate containers on Monday-Saturday so that it can be used on Sunday, the sauce will coagulate into locust larva, sprout wings and invade your home, which is exactly what happens if a Chick-fil-A store is open on Sunday.

Retail sales of the 16-ounce Bottled Sauces start at $7.77.


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