WASHINGTON, D.C. - As the science continues to evolve at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) on how to slow the spread of COVID-19, its experts are now recommending a good old-fashioned bloodletting, saying we can curb the effects of the virus by wearing up to three leeches at once. The ancient practice has fallen out of favor in the modern medical community, but the CDC and Dr. Fauci now say the technique can make a real difference in curbing the spread of the pandemic.

"If you can get leeches, that's probably the best way to do it," said Dr. Fauci. "But we've seen any form of bloodletting makes a difference. One leech is good, but I see no reason why two or three leeches wouldn't work even better."

In a study of 100 subjects, those who let out most or all of their blood were two times more likely to test negative for the virus than those who kept their blood and survived the study.

"This is a huge breakthrough," said study leader Grant Stoddard. "All this time we've been telling people to put mask on top of mask on top of mask, and what we should have been doing is bloodletting."

Five minutes later, Dr. Fauci said that "actually, leeches do nothing and might kill you, and I never said otherwise."