WASHINGTON D.C.—Donald Trump’s lawyers have released a document outlining their defense in Trump’s impeachment trial, and the tactic they’re taking has surprised many. They claim that it is unconstitutional to try Trump, as he was never president.
“This impeachment trial is making the unbelievable claim that the star of The Apprentice -- the ‘You’re fired!’ guy -- was elected and served as president,” says the document. “This makes no sense, which is why this whole impeachment trial of the boisterous real estate mogul is an unconstitutional miscarriage of justice.”
The document claims that the whole idea of Trump being president is completely ridiculous and something out of a “far-fetched comedy premise.” “Even a cursory google of the 2016 election shows that Hillary Clinton got the most votes,” says the document. “Impeach her.”
There was immediate pushback to this defense from Democrats. “This is just more lies from Trump,” said Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer. “This is the most brazen gaslighting I’ve ever seen, to claim he was never president.” Schumer thought about it. “He was definitely president.” He started to furrow his brow. “Definitely.” Uncertainty started to creep into his face. “Can’t be more than a 15% chance that it was all a fever dream.”