WASHINGTON, D.C. — Newly sworn-in California Senator Laphonza Butler expressed excitement about her new job, citing the short commute to work from her home state of Maryland.
"It's a real time-saver," Butler said. "As a senator for California, it's so convenient to not have to be a resident of the state. I never would have thought that would be allowed, but here I am! Now I can somehow represent the state of California while being a Maryland native. My travel expenses are almost nothing!"
California Governor Gavin Newsom has been criticized for appointing a resident of Maryland to fill the vacant seat left behind by the late Dianne Feinstein. "My criteria was very simple," Newsom said when asked about the appointment. "I wanted someone who was a woman. I wanted someone who was black. The fact that she's a gay communist is a major bonus. The fact that she's going to the United States Senate to represent the people of California while not being from California is completely irrelevant."
Butler remained upbeat despite the criticism. "I'm really hoping to make a difference," she said. "It's my goal to be a representative that the people of the great state of Maryland — er, sorry, I keep doing that — I mean the people of California can really be proud of."
At publishing time, Governor Newsom had once again assured Senator Butler that the residency issue would not be any kind of problem, since no California senator has actually represented the interests of California residents in decades.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
