SACRAMENTO, CA—The California legislature has passed a measure to approve the use of electroshock conversion therapy in limited situations, as long as it's only used to help people be more gay than they already are.
"It came to our attention that there were certain individuals in the LGBTQ community who wish to become even gayer," said California legislator Vivian Zanderbunk. "We want to ensure our LGBTQ citizens have access to the essential services they need to be as gay as they want to be."
According to official sources, the legislation will allow the use of electroshock conversion therapy for the following uses:
- To convert Trump supporters
- To cure people who keep using wrong pronouns
- To help people stop forgetting their masks
- To reinforce social distancing
- To eradicate all remaining straight and cis tendencies to become more gay
"We regret the pain we have caused in cutting people off from this potentially life-saving healthcare. We need to do better, and it begins by making this right together," said Zanderbunk. "Now if you'll excuse me, I forgot my mask so I have to shock myself now."