Governor Abbott Bribes Charter Plane Pilot To Take Texas Democrats Back To California
Politics

LOS ANGELES, CA—LAX air traffic controllers are scrambling to make room on the runway for an unexpected arrival: a charter plane full of Texas Democrats. According to sources, Governor Abbott bribed the charter plane pilot tasked with taking the Democrats back to Texas, and convinced the pilots to reroute to California, where they'll probably feel more at home.

Abbott's approval rating skyrocketed after employing the "4D chess" move, which got rid of Texas Democrats for good and allowed Republicans to continue running the state unimpeded in one fell swoop.

"Well, y'all, looks like we ain't in Texas anymore," said one representative as she stepped off the private jet and cracked open another Miller Lite. "Way fewer mosquitos, for one thing. And what's that smell?" The smell was, in fact, some feces she had stepped in, a welcome present from a homeless man living on the tarmac.

Governor Newsom welcomed them to the state, gave each of them a $600 welfare check, and asked them to "please not leave me like everyone else." He is reportedly hopeful that they will help campaign for his reelection during the recall coming up this fall.

At publishing time, the Democrat representatives were trying to rent a U-Haul to move back to Texas, but they were all sold out.

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