PORTLAND, OR — With the public at large still adjusting to more modernized retail service, a local restaurant was forced to hire additional personnel who would be responsible for telling customers they need to order at the automated kiosks instead of the counter.

"We had to increase our staff to let customers know we're reducing our staff," said Ericka Cartwright, owner of the Aggressive Rainbow Cafe downtown. "We made the decision to switch to electronic kiosks for ordering to save a lot of money in payroll costs, but we quickly discovered we needed people on staff to tell everyone to use the kiosks."

Though the move initially cut the cafe's staff in half, the recent hiring surge has resulted in an even larger staff than before the implementation of the automated ordering system. "I'm all for changing with the times and streamlining the process," Cartwright said, "but I'm not sure how much money I'm going to save with these new employees combined with the IT guys I have to have on call to help when the kiosks break down. But hey, we're riding the wave of the future, baby!"

Experts have also theorized that this type of scenario may result from the general population growing more and more stupid as time goes on, leading to customers having to be provided detailed instructions for even the most minute tasks.

At publishing time, Cartwright had been forced to post new job openings at the Aggressive Rainbow, as the state's progressive laws regarding employee leave resulted in the new employees all taking the next three months off to change their genders.

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