EVANSVILLE, IN — A local man endured one of the most difficult days of his career after bullies at work mercilessly mocked him for not having seen Dune: Part Two yet.
The man, Todd Herrington, came to work after a relaxing weekend looking forward to the work week and excited to face whatever challenges the day may bring, soon fell into an abyss of humiliation and despair while heating up his Pop-Tarts in the break room.
"Hey, guys! How was everyone's weekend?" Todd asked a group of coworkers who were eating breakfast. "Anyone do anything fun?"
"We're talking about how amazing Dune: Part Two is," one colleague answered. "You saw it, right?"
"No, I haven't seen it yet," Todd replied, oblivious to the outpouring of wrath his response would elicit.
"What?! You've got to be kidding me," said another coworker. "Hey, everyone, get a load of Todd over here. He hasn't seen Dune: Part Two yet! Have you ever met such a loser? HA!"
"What? I'm not a loser. I just haven't seen it yet," Todd said in his defense. "It was my dad's birthday this weekend. I went to dinner with my parents."
"Sure thing, Mr. Sad Excuse for a Human Being," a third colleague taunted. "You didn't take your dad to see Dune: Part Two for his birthday? Ha ha! You're such an idiot, TODD!"
The group of coworkers laughed uproariously and continued the verbal assault until Todd pretended to be sick and went home at lunch.
At publishing time, Todd was last seen entering the nearest movie theater to see Dune: Part Two in an attempt to salvage whatever dignity he may have left.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
