U.S. — Shockwaves were felt across the nation this morning after a widespread outage of popular social media platforms resulted in Instagram tradwives being forced to temporarily become actual tradwives.
The outage, which encompassed Meta platforms Facebook, Instagram, and Messenger, sent the lives of millions of suburban housewives spiraling into chaos and leaving them with nothing to do but perform the normal, traditional duties of stay-at-home wives, mothers, and homemakers.
"What am I supposed to do — fold laundry without posting an Instagram reel of me folding laundry?" said popular tradwife influencer Serenity Fields. "How am I supposed to do that without being showered with likes and comments? And if this outage stretches later into the day, am I supposed to just cook organic bone broth and sourdough without telling everyone what I made and asking them to DM me for the recipe? Are you serious? How am I supposed to live like this? How?!"
With the social media platform outage creating a rift in the very fabric of American society, experts believe millions of families run the risk of actually speaking to each other and performing standard, everyday tasks around the house without anyone seeing it. "This is uncharted territory for many of these tradwives," said one analyst. "There is some question as to whether or not they will even know how to clean their homes or cook meals without filming it, setting it to music, and posting it online. We have no clue what will happen."
At publishing time, millions of children across the country expressed great joy that their mothers put their phones down for a few minutes to play with them.
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