WASHINGTON, D.C. - After weeks of partisan fighting over spending and the debt ceiling, President Biden has solved everything by simply writing "ONE TRILLION" on a one-dollar bill.

The brilliant solution was proposed by AOC, who is the world's smartest socialist. "The problem is we don't have any money that says 'trillion' on it," she said. "If President Biden writes 'trillion' on a dollar bill, that makes it official because only the president can do official things like that with his official pens. Then we'll have enough money to pay for all the human rights and stuff because socialism works!" 

In a ceremony at the Federal Reserve yesterday, Biden took his official permanent marker and changed the value of the one-dollar bill. "Now take this to the bank and pay some debts!" he said to an aide. "And here's a little tip for your trouble." He then wrote "ONE MILLION" on a used handkerchief in his pocket and gave it to the aide. 

Biden is expected to solve all poverty and human suffering around the world next week by writing "INFINITY" on another dollar bill.

When guns are finally banned in the coming utopia, you may still need to defend yourself on the rare occasion.