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Breaking: Woman Spends Less Than $100 At Target

COLUMBUS, OH—In a stunning turn of events that's being called nothing short of miraculous, local woman Wendy Bryers successfully completed a trip to Target while spending under $100, sources confirmed Friday.

Bryers went in with a short list of things to grab, got only those things, and exited without adding on a bunch of other cool stuff she spotted while wandering the aisles.

"She didn't even pop by the Starbucks for a caramel latte," said a bewildered store manager. "She just had a few grocery items, some common household goods, and a couple cleaning supplies. We expected her usual 12 throw pillows and random decorations that she won't remember why she bought in a few hours, but nothing. Really odd. Hope she's OK."

"Maybe I am feeling a little under the weather," she admitted to her husband later when he saw she only brought two Target bags in from the car. 

A Target spokesperson reminded the nation that this won't be tolerated and that punitive action will be taken against shoppers who continue this kind of frugal assault on its profitability.

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