WASHINGTON, D.C. - The Senate advanced a measure this week to rebuke President Trump for withdrawing troops from Syria and Afghanistan in a bipartisan effort to defend the only thing the left and the right still agree on: endless foreign wars.
While the left and the right barely ever manage to eke out a bipartisan bill anymore, their response to the slightest deescalation in an occupied foreign country was swift from both sides of the aisle.
"It's a beautiful thing when Republicans and Democrats can find common ground, like remaining in the Middle East indefinitely with only vague plans for withdrawal at some ever-shifting date in the future," said Senator Mitch McConnell. "There are still some traditions that this nation holds sacred, and we can't allow President Trump to divide us on this."
"This is America, after all. How are our troops going to defend our freedoms if they're not all the way on the other side of the globe forever?" McConnell added, drawing applause from both Democrats and Republicans.
Democratic senators also reminded the nation that Trump is a pawn of Putin, as that's the only possible reason he wouldn't want to start World War III over a Middle Eastern country.