RUSSELL, KS—Former Senator and presidential candidate Bob Dole has passed away at 98, marking his transition from a lifelong Republican to a reliable Democrat voter.
"Bob Dole was an American hero and a patriot," said DNC Chair Jaime Harrison. "We are grateful for his service to the country, and we welcome him to the Democrat Party as a faithful Democrat voter for the rest of time."
According to sources, Bob Dole has already endorsed every local, state, and federal candidate with a "D" after their name, and will continue to support them via mail-in ballot for the foreseeable future.
Bob Dole's father, Doran Ray Dole, also a proud Democrat supporter, is proud to be joined by his son in voting for Democrats as well.
Bob Dole is survived by his wife Elizabeth, who is expected to endorse the Democrat presidential candidate in the 2032 election.
Gregory Ilinovich loves murdering people with illegal guns - so he's a bit concerned about all these new gun regulations. Luckily, he tends not to follow laws anyway.