Nation's Dads Report That It's Probably Fine

WAGON MOUND, NM—According to sources, dads across the nation are reporting that it’s probably fine.

“It’s probably fine,” said Maine dad Scott Murley, holding a broken skateboard and examining the unnatural angle of his son’s arm.

“It’s probably fine,” said California dad Ray Connors impatiently to his wife who was trying on her fifth dress, “The dress looks fine, functional, I guess. Now let’s go before we lose our dinner reservation.”

“It’s probably fine,” said Ohio dad Joe Turnbull as he drove the family’s minivan over the bumpy, gravel road through the dark forest in the middle of the night, his nervous wife trying to calm their children. “I’m telling you, this shortcut to the beach will have saved us nearly twenty minutes of driving time and over five dollars in gas. Look kids, snow!”

“It’s probably fine,” said Delaware dad Joe Biden after his son admitted to having misplaced his laptop.


In the social justice system, words are considered violence. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious attacks are members of an elite squad known as the Microaggression Victims Unit. These are their stories.

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