WASHINGTON, D.C. — As investigators continue to find more and more classified documents in various Biden residences, the President attempted to divert attention from the scandal this morning by appearing in a tan suit.
"Hey, wow! Look at me! I'm in a tan suit! Can you believe it? Ew, so ugly! Isn't this a scandal? Come on, folks! Not a joke!" said Biden to a spoonful of oatmeal he mistook for the White House press pool. "You journalists are really gonna have a heyday with this! Unacceptable fashion faux pas!"
Sources say aides have leaked unsavory details about Biden's ugly suit to the press in hopes of getting journalists to pick up the story and forget about his classified documents. "I heard it smells like mothballs and pea soup," said one anonymous source to the New York Times. "Pretty nasty, huh? You should run that on the front page!"
Former President Obama also reacted to the news by saying: "I don't get it. The suit looks great!"
At publishing time, Biden's scandal had been broken wide open once again when more classified documents were discovered in Biden's suit pocket.
In this instructional video, Chinese soldiers are trained how to shout the wrong pronouns at American forces: