WASHINGTON, D.C. — Members of the media were stunned and impressed yesterday after President Joe Biden touted the productive climate change meeting he had this past week with French leader Napoleon Bonaparte.
Biden made the surprising revelation to emphasize how seriously he takes the climate crisis and the great lengths to which he will go to rally other world leaders to the cause, explaining he spent several hours discussing the issue with Bonaparte in the Oval Office.
"Listen up, folks," the president said. "Climate change is an imminent threat. I just met with… I met… I sat down with the… I met with Napoleon… on the… I talked to Napoleon there. He agreed that it's a serious problem. We agree that it's in the best interests of both our countries to address climate change head-on. He was there with Josephine. She's a nice broad. She smelled like ice cream."
Though some people raised questions about the fact that Napoleon Bonaparte has not ruled France since 1815 and died in 1821, other members of the media hailed the revelation as a true testament to Biden's statesmanship and ability to accomplish seemingly impossible tasks in pursuit of solutions to climate change. "Critics will talk about how Napoleon has been dead for over 200 years," one New York Times columnist said. "In reality, this just proves that when President Biden wants to meet with someone, they listen."
At publishing time, President Biden had informed the press that he would also be attending a state dinner with Britain's Queen Elizabeth next week.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
