You may or may not be tired of living like just a regular, run-of-the-mill person, but in order to change your status, you need to be fabulously wealthy. What do you need to do to become fabulously wealthy? Get elected to the U.S. Congress. Unfortunately, that might not be a feasible option for many people, so you'll need to build your wealth some other way.
The Babylon Bee is here to help by providing you with the following list of soon-to-be hot commodities you should invest in now:
- Razor wire: Between the need for it at the border now and the need everyone will have to put it around their houses soon, you'll make a fortune.
- That one limited edition Trump NFT of him dressed as an astronaut: This will soon be one of the most sought-after digital properties in the world. Get it now while it's still only $399!
- McRib Sandwiches: We've heard a rumor they will NOT be coming back this year. They'll be priceless.
- Copies of movies with male characters in them: Hollywood is well on its way to eliminating male characters from existence, so copies of classic films will be all the rage.
- Helmets: All those people buying Apple Vision goggles are going to need to protect themselves from head injuries somehow.
- Gas-powered cars: Your '86 Ford F-150 will soon be worth millions.
- Adult diapers: The president and U.S. Congress will soon blow through the world's current supply.
- Guns: Lots of guns.
NOT SATIRE: Are your savings truly safe from the threat of bank bail-ins? As recent financial crises have shown, traditional banks may resort to drastic measures that put your hard-earned money on the line. It's time to question the security of your savings and explore a safer alternative with this one asset that many investors are flocking to. Learn more about this asset and how it can help protect your savings that you have worked so hard for.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.