WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a blow to hopes from conservatives that the former president would face severe consequences for allegedly overseeing an attempt to delegitimize the Trump presidency, Barack Obama argued that he can't be charged with treason since he wasn't born in America and isn't a legitimate American citizen.
Republicans acknowledged that they could be left without any legal recourse after President Obama absolved himself of any potential treason charge by reminding everyone that he couldn't face any consequences since he was never a citizen to begin with.
"I can't commit treason against America if I was never an American," Obama said confidently in a brief statement to reporters. "The Republicans have been cooking up wild schemes for years to try to hold me accountable for crimes against the United States. Unfortunately, as someone who was not born in America, I cannot be held to that standard. Nice try, but it won't work. Back to the drawing board."
Constitutional scholars agreed that Obama's defense was airtight. "It's an open and shut case," one expert said. "You can't hold someone accountable for betraying their allegiance to a country if they never had any allegiance to that country in the first place. It's a pretty genius move by President Obama here. Almost as genius as falsifying his birth certificate to get illegitimately elected president."
At publishing time, Obama and his legal counsel clarified that any and all illegal activity and wrongdoing committed during his presidency was exempt from legal penalty due to the fact that he was never legally president.
Liberal Brynnleigh travels back to 1933 Germany to erase a certain stain on humanity.
