The Trump administration took another step toward greater transparency this week, releasing more than 240,000 pages of previously classified FBI records pertaining to civil rights crusader Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
The Babylon Bee has meticulously combed through each page to compile the following list of surprising new revelations:
He wasn't actually a king: Surprisingly, it was just his surname.
Didn't really care for black people; he just really enjoyed marching to get the exercise: He got so many steps in.
He had a dream about racial equality, but he also had a slightly less famous dream once that he was marrying a human-sized banana, but it couldn't talk, so when it was time to say ‘I do', the banana just kinda stood there silently, and all the guests were staring, and it was really embarrassing: And he was in his underwear.
He did not want to be assassinated: He was killed against his wishes.
While he didn't want people judged by race, he thought it was okay to judge people if they had funny ears: Those big-eared weirdos should have no place in society.
He had a secret drag persona named "Martin Luther Queen": You just never know what stuff people are into.
Dr. King invented the phrase "hubba hubba": Little-known fact.
He is considered a legendary dragon type and evolves into MLK Sr. when exposed to a moon stone: It's a rare, but amazing sight to see.
He loved and accepted all races, except those drunken, potato-licking Irish: Very understandable.
He was assassinated by the Vatican, who apparently got him mixed up with another Martin Luther: Also, there was something in there about Mossad and Israel, but we got bored and stopped reading.
The things they never taught you in school, right? What other shocking things have you learned about MLK from the newly revealed documents? Post them in the comments.
Liberal Brynnleigh travels back to 1933 Germany to erase a certain stain on humanity.
