Biden To Nominate Progressive Woman Of Color Elizabeth Warren To Supreme Court

WASHINGTON, D.C. - As progressive Justice Stephen Breyer announced his retirement this week, President Biden wasted no time in nominating a progressive woman of color to the Supreme Court: Elizabeth Warren.

"I'm proud to nominate noble Cherokee savage Elizabeth Warren to the highest court in the land," said Biden. "She's a noted woman of color and I know she'll do a heck of a job--just like she did against my Tennessee militiamen at the Tugaloo River. Wow, she took so many scalps that day folks. Just give this injun lady a chance, will ya?" 

Warren graciously accepted the nomination as a "victory for her people" and promised future court rulings would rubber-stamp every single unconstitutional law. "The Constitution is a white man's document anyway," she said. "Document no good." she then spat on the ground.

If confirmed, Warren will serve a lifetime appointment, remaining on the bench until she has scalped every last billionaire.

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Rumors swirl about the current condition of Senator Mitch McConnell, but his staff have come out to say that even if he were dead he will still be able to finish his term.