WASHINGTON, D.C.—Joe Biden has taken a bold stance for defending the autonomy of one of the nation’s most vulnerable groups: 8-year-olds. Biden suggests that kids always know what’s best for themselves and should be able to make choices concerning their own health without judgment.
“Look, Jack, everyone’s always trying to tell 8-year-olds what they can and can’t do,” Biden explained on ABC’s town hall. “If your child wants to stick a fork or any other metal object into an electrical outlet, then there should be zero discrimination.”
When pressed, Biden replied, “C’mon man! Kids are smart, responsible, and capable of making these types of decisions. So to all of the bigoted, helicopter parents who would try and stop them from potentially electrocuting themselves - that’s wrong! Young kids who decide to make life-altering, irreversible decisions that they may one day regret need our full support.”
The audience cried tears of joy as they celebrated their candidate’s commitment to protecting the choices of children with still-developing brains across the country. “We will not forget this on November 3rd, Mr. Vice President. This is what leadership looks like.”
At publishing time Biden even suggested separating parents away from their children should they choose to prevent them from playing with outlets.