YAVIN BASE, OUTER RIM—Rebel scum across the galaxy are up in arms after Twitter suspended the account of astromech droid R2-D2 for apparently sharing stolen Imperial plans vital to the survival of the Rebellion. According to sources close to the droid, he has been unable to post anything to Twitter since his suspension last week.
"Here at Twitter, we take the safety and security of the galaxy very seriously," said Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey in a response. "Our sources tell us these are very important schematics to an Imperial superweapon stolen by wanted criminal Jyn Erso and a ragtag band of mercenaries. Our rules clearly state that such sensitive material is not appropriate to be shared on our platform. Anyone caught sharing or attempting to access this information will be permanently suspended and the coordinates of their planet will be given to the Empire. We apologize for our poor communication up to this point."
According to unnamed sources, analysis of the plans has revealed a weakness in the imperial superweapon. Imperial sources have dismissed this as "Rebel misinformation that should be ignored and forgotten immediately."
Representatives in the Imperial Senate were outraged to hear of R2's suspension from Twitter and demanded that Jack be immediately transported to Coruscant for questioning.
Unfortunately, these plans were canceled after the Emperor dissolved the Senate permanently.