WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Biden made significant progress in transgender rights this week by signing an executive order that allows the Affordable Care Act to cover gender transition surgery and hormone therapy. Biden signed the order while surrounded by a number of drag queens and reportedly told reporters that "if you like your genitals, you can keep your genitals."
"Look, fat, here are the facts," said Joe Biden. "Too many trans people are seen as outsiders. So we're just gonna make everyone trans. If we make everyone trans then no one is. No, I'm serious."
Republicans have pounced on the president for taking his policy positions from Magneto's evil plot in Bryan Singer's X-Men, which was released in the year 2000.
"Why the president would see fit to ally himself with The Brotherhood of Mutants is beyond me," said Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell. "I can tell you right now that Magneto himself would have no qualms about removing anyone's genitals."
Pelosi has reportedly called a vote to codify the president's executive order so that a future president cannot undo it. She confirmed that we'll know for sure if we get to keep our genitals after the law is passed and we all see what's in it.