Fathers are the forgotten heroes of this world. Mothers get all the glory (and with good reason!) but there are still some great benefits to being a dad. For example, free hugs whenever you want!
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Here are more great benefits for your consideration:
- Each one has a small chance of becoming a rock star or incredible athlete and you'll never have to work again.
- You can wear cargo shorts and white New Balance sneakers just like you always wanted to.
- Every year your children will pay you tribute with the finest artisan macaroni art and a fresh pack of socks.
- You can finally own a puppy against your will.
- Have you ever wanted to read the same short book 10,000 times? Now you can!
- Does your wife hate your jokes? The kids won't.
- You have an excuse to play through all your old favorite video games.
- You get to implement a dad tax on all Halloween candy.
- You can have in-depth conversations about what the best dinosaur is.
- You'll feel like a warrior king as you defeat all of them simultaneously in a wrestling match.
- You're the smartest person alive for 11 years, then "a total drag" for 7, then the smartest person alive again.
- Have you ever wanted to be a horsey? Boy, will you be in heaven!
- You have your own personal chiropractor as your kids jump all over your back.
- You can introduce them to your favorite childhood movies only for them to say, "This is boring."
- You can pawn off the chores your wife gave you onto the kids.
- You get to buy a full arsenal of Nerf guns "for the kids."
- Have 3 kids to make a full squad in Call of Duty: Warzone, 5 kids to have your own D&D party, or 18 and you can play baseball in the backyard!
- Several little creatures will think you are a god at Super Smash Bros.
- You can stack three of them up in a trench coat to cause various mischiefs.
- Watching your 3-year-old daughter run across the lawn in a dress carrying a doll will make you believe in the goodness of God.
- They will turn your pathetic, self-centered little life into one full of beauty and meaning.
NOT SATIRE: Can Dad save America? Yes!
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