PLEASANT PRAIRIE, WI - The Biden administration hasn't seemed too concerned about border security. But now, they have a newfound passion for defending state lines, as Kyle Rittenhouse crossed state lines to defend businesses during the Kenosha riots.
Thankfully, out-of-work border patrol agents and their horses were re-deployed to defend the southern Wisconsin border.
"It's very important to secure our borders -- well, the Wisconsin border, in case any more people come across to defend their neighbors," said President Biden. "And, well, ya know, Jack, we had all these Border Patrol agents just twiddling their thumbs doin' nothing. Heck, we was gonna turn them horses into glue to help with the supply shortage, but that seems like a waste. Say, have you ever smelled glue? Smells fantastic. Sometimes I just take a big ol' whiff of a bottle of Elmer's. There was this one time - "
Biden was then pulled away from the lectern with a shepherd's crook.
The Border Patrol agents have been whipping anyone coming across that looks like they might be even slightly conservative, and the media has yet to complain about their treatment.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
