VATICAN CITY - President Biden emerged from his meeting with Pope Francis greatly relieved and brimming with joy, claiming that the Holy Father had requested Biden's son, the great artist Hunter, repaint the dated Sistine Chapel ceiling.
"We've been planning a remodel for about 1,000 years," the Pope reportedly told President Biden, "but we just never felt we had the right artist. It would be an honor to have such a devout Catholic and brilliant child prodigy complete the epic task."
The Papal Committee for Making the Church More Culturally Relevant (PCFMTCMCR) has been seeking ways to make the church more acceptable to pro-choice communist environmentalists. A more difficult task, however, has been the modernization of Vatican City to make it more up-to-date and seeker-sensitive to people who have the archaic notion that the Catholic Church teaches the Bible and is not in favor of sins like abortion.
"I Googled 'Sistine Chapel' and Wiki says it was painted in like the 1500s and its time to update it," said renowned artist Hunter Biden to reporters. "I promise to pour all my incredible talents into this project and will only ask for a modest fee of $30 million."
Sources say work on the new ceiling will commence as soon as the Vatican has finished cleaning up Biden's poop.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
