Health
Biden Orders Surgeon General's Warnings Placed On All Biology Textbooks

WASHINGTON, D.C.—President Joe Biden signed an executive order today mandating that all biology textbooks have a Surgeon General's Warning placed on them. The labels will warn potential consumers of the books' harmful content, including implications that there are only two biological genders and that you have either XX chromosomes or XY chromosomes, and that these chromosomes will determine your sex at the moment of conception.

"It is our hope that by providing the consumer with these warnings, fewer Americans will be exposed to the harmful ideas about gender and conception that biology teaches," Biden said in a press conference. "Think about students who just open a biology book, not aware that it's a gateway drug to all kinds of hateful ideas, like that men are men and women are women. Heck, they might even be opposed to the idea that a child should be able to transition genders or that men should be able to beat the tar out of women in MMA."

"Not on my watch, Jack!"

Biden then called on the country to unite around the unilateral announcement and declared that anyone who disagrees with it will be deported to Canada.

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