EL PASO, TX — Amid a mounting surge of illegal immigration, the Biden Administration is sending 1,500 National Guard troops to the border to help them register to vote.
"Yes, the people who tell me what to do all the time told me this is needed," said Biden to an ice cream cone. "And If I don't do what they tell me I don't get any snacks! No, that's no joke! Seriously, someone help me! Where am I?"
Election experts say the military operation will be instrumental in facilitating the continued invasion of the U.S. by Biden voters ahead of the 2024 election. "Biden really could use this boost from the millions and millions of people just wandering into the country," said DNC Chair Jaime Harrison. "These immigrant lives are totally wasted if we can't leverage their extreme numbers into a Democrat win."
Sources say troops are receiving cutting-edge training on detaining migrants, leading them to a voter registration table, and saying: "Firma este documento, por favor." Military sources say they hope to have 750,000 new Democrat voters by the end of the month.
At publishing time, the ones who refused to register had been placed in cages.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
