WILMINGTON, DE—The Biden campaign has grown concerned with all the Trump flotillas happening nearly every weekend, gathering hundreds of enthusiastic supporters. So, they're fighting back with their own boat parade, but it's just Biden alone in a paddleboat in the middle of a lake.
"Look at this great turnout today!" said Biden as he waved to a completely empty pond. "Great to see all the enthusiastic supporters here. Boy, I tell ya, I'm real excited to win this race and serve as your class president. Go Auks, class of '61!"
Unfortunately, the event started to go south as Biden couldn't pedal the boat without just spinning around in circles. This also made him continually lose sight of his teleprompter on the shore, so his speech oscillated between regal and coherent and completely nonsensical.
"I admit, this isn't great optics," said one adviser as Biden spun around happily by himself in the pond yelling, "Wheeee!"
Aides were forced to end the parade early as a nearby Trump flotilla sailed by and Biden tried to join it.