WASHINGTON, DC— President Joe Biden has banned Trump from attending any more White House intelligence meetings for fear of Trump gaining any more intelligence. Biden believes that even one more meeting may result in Trump becoming too powerful.
“It’s as we all feared: Trump’s already dangerously high IQ has surpassed all metrics,” said Biden, warning his staff. “We have to take action now, or we’ll never be able to stop him!”
Biden continued, “Block him from the intelligence meetings, cancel them if you have to. I’d rather America be in the dark than see him reach an unparalleled intellect.”
Officials were instructed to stop Trump from learning even the smallest amount of information. “Sir, he’s already a super genius. What hope do we have of stopping him by banning him from meetings?” said one of Biden’s cabinet members. “We’ll have to keep him away from the Internet, libraries, and even TV.”
Despite their most drastic efforts, Trump’s intelligence reached critical mass and he was able to guess the nature of the meetings without attending.
At publishing time, Biden resigned in disgrace. “We’ve failed. There’s nothing we can do to stop such raw brainpower. We have lost.”