BERLIN — Biden has announced a "defensive war" against Poland, after claiming that Poland had acted as the aggressor and launched unprovoked attacks on the United States. Biden further said the war was necessary to liberate his citizens currently living in Poland, who are being "persecuted by terrorists who act friendly and wear red hats." In a stirring speech, Biden admonished his generals to "kill without pity all men, women and children of Polish descent, that semi-fascism may be defeated once and for all." Waves of tanks and infantry began pouring into Poland on September 1, with F-15s bombing any location that fought back. President Biden has vowed a swift conclusion to the war, once democracy has been safeguarded through the total extermination of undesirables.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
