Scripture
Scholars Now Believe Jesus Ignored Magi's Gifts, Just Played With The Boxes They Came In

U.S.—Biblical scholars from the nation's top divinity schools now believe Jesus ignored the gold, frankincense, and myrrh brought by the Magi and simply played with the boxes that the gifts came in. 

The toddler Jesus reportedly tossed aside the valuable gifts and started playing with the containers. He turned the box the gold came in into a pretend spaceship, making "pew pew pew" noises for hours. Later on, he tired of that and grabbed the myrrh box, wearing it on his head all afternoon and running around the house cackling like a madman.

The frankincense was "the best gift of all," according to the little Savior, as it came in a "huge" box he used to build a giant pretend robot. 

"Man, we spent a lot of time picking those gifts out," one Magi wrote in his personal journal. "And he immediately threw them to the side and just played with the boxes. Oh well. At least they were nice boxes."

Mary reportedly used a dab of the frankincense to calm herself down as Jesus attempted to stack the boxes up and perform dangerous parkour stunts on them.

Get Free Access To Our Brand New Site: Not the Bee

After creating The Babylon Bee in six literal days, Adam Ford rested. But he rests no longer. Introducing Not the Bee — a brand new humor-based news site run by Adam himself. It's loaded with funny content and all the best features of a social network. And the best part? Everyone with a subscription to The Bee gets full access at no extra cost.

Get FREE Access

*with premium subscription to The Babylon Bee

You must become a premium subscriber or login to view or post comments on this article.